Weekend Before The 4th of July

The weekend before the 4th of July we packed up the dogs and headed to my parents for the weekend. We were joined there by Lilly, Robert, Megan, and Mikey. Of course all of them were excited because they only get to be together a few times a year and the pool was calling. We started off with a crisis because Lilly was so excited she tripped and scraped her knee on the way into the house to get changed and we had a 10 minute "Drama Queen" moment as she was sure she was dying. Fortunately after 10 minutes she forgot all about it and into the pool they went. Friday night we also got to hear about how daddy and mama had a fight and after she left he said he hoped she got ran over by a train. My brother really needs to learn to shut his mouth in front of the kids. After dinner and time in the pool it was off to bed, the girls and Tammy in one room and me and the boys in another. Eventually they went to sleep.

Saturday was the parade in Londonderry, the kids playing in the pool, and fireworks at night. Mike, Tammy, Gram, and Gramp had dinner with us before we had to go to the fireworks, and Mike and Tammy went to the fireworks with us. It was cold and everyone bundled up to keep warm. After the fireworks Megan had a meltdown and Tammy called Terrie and we were off to drop them off with Mom and Dad. Unfortunately the entire episode was due to Megan being overtired and could have been avoided with a nap earlier in the day. It was a great display of fireworks, and ended just as it started to rain.

Sunday was the end of the weekend and even thought we had a great time it was good to go home and have a little quiet. I do not believe that having 4 children of your own would be as tiring as having 2 pairs of children who like to see each other, but don't very often. They will now have to wait for a few weeks before they spend time together with us camping.

And remember what I said about my brother learning to shut his mouth. On Sunday as Lilly was going down for a nap she told Tammy that her father said that "Uncle Scott is a know it all" along with a number of other things that a little girl her age could not have come up with on her own.

Of course at the end Lilly said "but I don't believe it".

Apparently we have had a positive impact on my niece and nephew, even with the way I feel about their parents.

Words of Wisdom

"No matter how you bring a baby into your home, that baby's yours."

Great Escape Weekend with Lilly and Obert

Over the weekend of June 23rd and 24th we took my Niece and Nephew (Lilly and Obert) for the weekend. On Saturday we took them to the Great Escape and spoiled them rotten. We started off with taking them on rides and then at lunch time we took them for a surprise, Lunch with Bugs. On Sunday we went to see Shrek III and bought Lilly a nightshirt and Robert shoes.

It was a great pick me up to do this with them after being so depressed during our vacation (thinking about our adoption). We got to see the joy on their faces as we did things with them as if they were our own children, of course we had to deal with the bad stuff also when they got over-tired but that can be expected. The biggest issue was trying to get Robert to eat anything, but with effort he ate at every meal.

If I can make it through 2 days with these two I can handle anything....

Summary of the last week or so

Our Adventures started when Tammy and I went away and stayed at the Great Escape Lodge in Lake George NY. It was a really cool place with an indoor water park to play in while we were not riding rides at the amusement park.

On friday night we went to the double feature at the drive in. Saturday had some afternoon thundershowers mixed with almost every Girl Scout in the NE at the park, but it was still fun. Sunday we rode rides all day as we discussed taking Lilly and Obert to the park and all of the fun things we will do with them, all the while wishing it was our own daughter we were taking.

Once we got home I spent a day or so relaxing at home before starting to work on the addition again. More wiring, my first window, and a little ground work. I think I have about 80% of the wiring done upstairs so I am making some real progress.

This last weekend was graduation and anniversary parties on Saturday, and then guess what more wiring on Sunday.

Nothing new on the adoption wait, other than it is going to extend.

Harry Potter Theme Park

This has absolutely nothing to do with our adoption, but I was watching the news this morning and saw that Universal Studios will be adding a Theme Park within a theme park at Islands of Adventure. It will be based on the World of Harry Potter and is expected to open in late 2009.

So I guess this means that we will have to start saving for another trip to Florida as soon as we get back next spring and make plans to go again in spring of 2010.

Hopefully this will be our first family vacation with Kelly.

I know that Kelly will enjoy the Magic Kingdom more, but my wife will go nuts at this new park.

International Adoption as Last Choice

In a number of places in the International Adoption community people are talking about children feeling that they were the parents "Last Choice".

In our case I have to say that International Adoption was not our last choice, it was just another choice.

We started out our marriage trying to have a child the old fashioned way, and we tried that for quite a few years before we started talking about other options.

After talking about it for a while and talking to friends who had adopted we decided to work on an adoption from China.

There were a number of other options available, but this was the one that we thought best fit our circumstances.

Even with the long and difficult wait I still believe it is the right choice for us, but that does not make it easier as we sit and wait with no information.

Assorted Adoption Topics

First, We have hit a major savings milestone for the adoption. We finally have about 25% of the money saved to cover the remainder of the adoption expenses. This may not seem like alot, but when you are estimating 12,000+ to finish the adoption 25% is a pretty big milestone. So this is really good news.

So a big question running aroung the IA community right now is "What will you do if someone teases your daughter?" Well I have never seen a child that has gotten through school without being teased about something and I do not believe that I will handle my daughters situation any differently than I would a child that was not adopted.

A child will be too tall, overweight, skinny, short, ...etc. I spent my entire grade school existance being picked on because my parents did not have money.

So what will I do?

I will listen to her and try to explain why the other kids do this, but most importantly I will try to help her understand how special she is. I will also try to groom the self confidence that my mother helped me develop in my daughter so this will become an annoyance, not an earth shattering condition. So my reaction to others in the IA world is that this is a problem not related to IA, but one related to being a Kid and one that almost every child goes through at one point or another.

Sorry about the Delay

Well over the last week or so I have broken my resolution to try and post something on here every day. Between things at work being Hell, being depressed about the lack of information on the wait, and a general lack of time at home I just have not had the heart to post anything.

So what has happened over the last week or so...

Well I finally got my riding mower started after some minor repair work to mow down close to a foot of grass. Ran for about an hour and the motor had a piston or a rod go so I have to come up with $$$ to replace it. Not the best time, especially while trying to save money for completing the adoption and finishing the addition on the house. I also just paid for our pellets for our pellet stove for next season so there really isn't alot of money to go around right now.

At the same time I am having problems with a porcupine chewing on the addition and the back of the shed. I have not caught him in the act, and I have not had the time or $$ yet to go pick up a trap. Unfortunately that is probably the only way that I am going to catch him.

And the Bath Tub Faucets have decided that they do not want to shut off and that will require me to cut the tub enclosure to replace them which will probably be an all day job, and it will cost $$$. And I hate plumbing!!

A positive note is that the pool is open and running and just waiting for the sun to warm it up enough to go swimming. The new covers that I bought worked great and it is very clear and clean and will need a minimum of cleaning before swimming.

So all of this should tell you that life has been stress, lack of time, lack of sleep, body aches, and no money....

On the adoption front, rumors are flying about how long the wait will be and how far they will get this month. Unfortunately I am so fed up with the process right now that I almost wonder if we will ever finish it. I want to be a father so badly and we have no idea if we will even pass review, and if we do when will we actually see our little girl for the first time? It is weeks like this one that really makes you begin to wonder if the dream of having a child is ever going to happen..

Well I guess that is enough for today..

Next time I will probably talk about another couple topics flying around the IA community, What to do if people pick on your child and how to respond to I was your last choice for having a child.

Morning Shower - time of anguish over adoption wait time

Every morning when I take my shower seems to be the time of day when I get the most sadness and anguish over the wait time and the lack of information we are getting from anyone.

Rule changes and no information are taking their toll.

I think it hits me in the shower because it is the only time of the day where I am not thinking about a million things and dealing with them. That and I am still mostly asleep and trying to wake up, and it is also one of the rare occasions when I am alone.

Warm water rushing over me as I wonder when we will finally get our little girl home, and then my mind puts that into perspective and I also start to wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.

It is amazing how sad this makes me and also makes you realize how little control you have over the entire process. At least during the "Paper Chase" you knew what you had to do and where you had to go to do it. Now you just wait until someone half a world away decides that you are worthy of taking care of one of China's orphaned children.

The only thing that keeps you going is the possibility that things will get better, and the ultimate improvement will be a little gitl to take care of and love.

Mothers Day

This weekend was Mothers Day and as part of our yearly ritual we went to Londonderry and visited my parents and Grandparents.

While we were there my Aunt Mary gave Tammy a gift bag.

Inside were 2 Antique Bear Prints, a Soft and Cuddly Chinese Doll, and some baby socks.

There was also a very nice mothers day card for a mommy to be, explaining that she knows the bear prints don't match the nursery but she really wanted us to have them.

Shortly before she gave the bag to Tammy the two of us sat on the couch and discussed the wait time because I had given her an article explaining what was going on in Chinese International Adoption (written by the director of CCAI). After reading it many things became clear to her and you could tell that she really understands what we are going through now. She is the first family member that really gets it, and it was nice to discuss the adoption with a family member and not have to go over everything and try and make them understand.

We discussing time differences, bonding, lack of sleep, and a number of other topics which are all way past the understanding of anyone else in the family.

So why were these prints so important to her?

Apparently she bought them when she was first married and hoped to use them to decorate her own child's room, and due to her ex-husbands insistence that they would not have children never got to use them. Then after he left her she was in so much financial and emotional distress that she could not have handled an adoption even if she had of thought of it.

Now she is old enough that she has just given up on her dreams of being a mother.

Why did she give the prints to us for Kelly?

I think there are alot of reasons, and there are probably some that I have not even thought of yet.

First, I am the only grandchild that almost never misses a family function and this means that we are the ones that my family sees almost every holiday. She knows that family is important to me, and also that once we finally finish this adoption she will probably see Kelly more often than any of the other children. Also when I was growing up I was the first grandchild and there are only 10 years between the two of us so there were many times in her early teens where I was a playmate of a sort.

I also think that she is living out her dreams of having a child through us and probably wishes that she had of been able to do something similar to our IA earlier in her life. She also sees some of her own struggles with wanting to become a parent and not being able to due to circumstances beyond her control.

I think she had similar feelings when my brother asked her to be Lilly's godmother, but as quickly as the joy came so did the heartbreak when they shuffled the stepmother thing under the carpet. I never thought this was right, but then again I seldom agree with anything my brother and his wife do.

At this point Wyatt is the only little one she sees on a regular basis since my brother is very unreliable when it comes to family functions.

So we will have to buy two nice frame to hang these precious gifts in the nursery and someday we will pack them away so when our little girl gets older and she has her own child she can pass them on to him/her.

This gift is so precious because it is a gift from the heart from a very special person who never wanted anything more than to have a little one to hold and love.

Sounds very similar to our own situation.

We just happened to be in a place emotionally and financially that we could do something about it.

And why did she give them to us now?

I don't know, but I do have a feeling that she probably has been thinking about little ones quite a bit lately between our adoption in progress and Missy being pregnant.

I didn't know about the gift until after we had left, but I will make sure that she is thanked properly the next time I see her.

New Rules for Chinese Adoption - BMI

One of the new requirments for being eligible to adopt from China after May 1, 2007 is "Applicants must be in good physical and mental condition necessary to provide responsible care for an adopted child. Each applicant’s Body Mass Index (BMI) must be under 40."

When this was first released in January I was a basket case.

My BMI is ~31, but Tammy was ~43.

The good news was we met every other qualification, but this one thing threw doubt into the equasion.

When the rule was first announced there was no information if they would be retroactively applied to applicants who were already DTC/LID, or would they only apply to new applicants. Over time it became universally accepted that those who were LID would be reviewed under the old rules, and only new applicants would be required to meet these requirements. Of course this could change in a heartbeat, but for now there is no sense worrying about it.

I did not say anything to Tammy about this other than to mention that it is a requirement and if China started reviewing applications using the rules we could be rejected based on this.

No pressure to try and force her to lose weight.

Then about 2 weeks ago she asked for me to sign her up for Weight Watchers Online. A good friend of hers is on Weight Watchers and she wanted to try it to lose a little weight. So I signed her up and we started with her watching her points. In the last week she has lost 5 pounds and in total she has lost about 1/6 of what she would have to lose to get her BMI below 40.

No pressure on my part, and I am eating the same things as her to help keep her on the plan and try to keep her motivated to continue. Overall it has also been positive to increase the amount of vegetables and decrease the amount of Pasta and starches in our diet. We have also reduced the amount of boxed/prepared foods which we had started to eat because of time issues when we get home from work.

If I had of tried to force her to do this it would have backfired big time, but it has been her idea and she wants to do it.

Would it make me very happy to see her get below 40 BMI?

You would not believe the amount of pressure this would relieve because if we were questioned in review about it she could get a new medical form done and the issue would go away..

But it has to be her decision and drive that will make it happen and I am very happy with the effort she is taking to try and make this happen.

I took the Magic the Gathering "What Color are you" Quiz

Infamous Brown Envelope

Yesterday we recieved the infamous Brown Envelope from the US Foreign Service.

You know, the one that you need to take with you on your adoption trip to China.

My wife opened it and was all excited, and then reality hit when she realized that we probably won't need the contents for a little over a year at least. Just another reminder that it will still be quite some time before we see our little girl.

In fact we still have not even made it out of the review room...

I guess it is another milestone in the process, but with all of the other milestones so far away it just seems like a slap in the face. So we are all set on the US side of things, but in China we still sit in a file that has not been touched other than to make room for more files on the shelf.

In fact at the rate things are going we will be lucky if we even get out of review before our US paperwork expires!!

In the long run I am sure that all of this will be worth it when we bring a little girl home as part of our family, but right now it is very frustrating and depressing.

But at least we have an envelope of paperwork to put away for our trip, when it eventually happens.....

Concurrent Adoptions

Many people are talking about trying to complete concurrent adoptions because of the wait time.

Since this is the hot topic in IA I thought I would express the reasons why we are not following this trend.

First - International adoption is very expensive. Trying to complete one adoption is hard enough without trying to fund a second at the same time, especially while trying to finish renovating the house. There is just no way possible to do two at one time.

Next - I am on enough of an emotional rollercoaster with one adoption going I just can't imagine trying to do two at once.

Also - There are rumors that the CCAA does not like couples trying to do a second adoption while waiting for a referral from China. There is no concrete answer on this, and I just don't want to jeopardize our referral in any way. If we were dumped out of line we could not reapply because Tammy does not meet the BMI requirements and we would not be eligible until she did.

Finally - I am not sure that as a new parent I could handle 2 young adopted children with the issues that they could have all at once. I am not sure that many of the people are thinking about this and just know that they don't want to wait. I cannot imagine both being delayed and getting referred at the same time with travel requirements, attachment, health issues, ...etc. Many people say that it would be like having twins, and I am not sure I agree.

I am also not convinced that other countries will slow down if there is a sudden influx of people from the China program, and suddenly many of them may be stuck in 2 lines at once with no referral.

Then what will they do?

So I will continue to wait in line and pray that we get our referral in the 2 year time frame.

At this point we are rapidly approachine a year, is another 12 months really that long?

Way too tired..

Well I have spent the last couple of nights up until almost 1AM working on things for Orvis.

This combined with the stress here at work and at home just has me wiped out.

Last night Tammy and I had a little fight over something that I would have normally let slide, but I was so close to the edge that she got both barrels. We then spent an hour with her crying, but for once I did not let her get away with what she did. I was just fed up and she punched my buttons and I still had hours of work ahead of me. After she had cried we talked and I think she understood why I reacted the way I did.

Things have been horrible at work, I have an addition that needs to be finished and funded, the adoption is so much up in the air right now and we still need to save enough money to pay for the rest of it, I have spent many hours running Tammy to meetings and such, Danby is having septic issues and it is somehow my problem, my laptop needs to be reinstalled and there doesn't seem like enought time to deal with it, and we are tight on money right now due to the huge number of extra bills this month.

And did I forget ro mention that Tammy wants to talk about what we are going to do for Missy's baby shower, and I just want to scream "I could really care less".

All this adds up to a stressed out husband that is tired and has a hair trigger.

So she went to her Grange meeting, and I sat at home working on OLAP cube maintainance for work.

She got home from her meeting and went to bed while I continued working.

It is said that there is no rest for the wicked, if this is true what did I do that was so horrible.

My cousin is pregnant - So what!

Over the weekend I had dinner with my parents and grandparents and while having dinner we were informed that "Missy is pregnant".

While I am happy for her it also presses down on my heart as I sit in line and wait for the child that we have been trying to have for several years.

While we were driving home Tammy asked me "Isn't Missy's news exciting?"

I sat there as I drove and grunted a little bit in acknowledgement, but what I really wanted to say was "I really don't give a crap!".

I know this sounds selfish, but right now I am more concerned about the time it is going to take to get our little girl.

It is getting to the point where I wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.

Did we do the right thing?

Should we have applied somewhere else?

Will we make it through review?

So far the wait has not been bad, but depending upon which gloom and doom prediction you look at we may only be 1/4 of the way through our wait.

I think the biggest emotional drain is that no one knows, but everyone has an opinion.

And those opinions are now showing up all over the place as fact..

It also didn't help that my Grandfather was asking how much longer it will be, and as I look at him I see and feel (when I help him into the house - he is a leagally blind WWII Vet) how old and frail he has become. In under a year he has become a shadow of the man he once was, and I wish more than anything that he will get to hold his granddaughter before he dies.

Unfortunately I don't know if this will be possible and it saddens me because she will miss out on meeting an amazing man who would have showed her an incredible amount of love.

I will never count him out because he has cheated death so many times. A bullet striking his service bible that was in the pocket over his heart, tanks being blown up under him, being left for dead in a field hospital, prostrate cancer, heart bypass surgury, and those are only the things I know about..

It is just emotionally painfull to see him slowing down and wasting away. He is so light now that a good stiff wind would blow him away.

Also in the last year he has started looking back on his life and expressing regrets, wishes, ...etc.

This is not the man that I grew up knowing..

And with all of these things on my mind there just isn't room for a discussion of Missy's baby.

I took the Looney Tunes Personality Test

Yosemite Sam!

A low-down, ruff, tough, and mean varmint, your aggressive energy, vulgar attitude, and cynical outlook make you one mean SOB when angered. Little scares you, much annoys you, and a pin-drop can set you off. This is not all bad however, your anti-social adventuring spirit leads you to blaze trails other fear to tread. You could really find your place on the frontiers of civilization daring to take the risks others would only dream of and reaping rewards they can only envy. For good or bad, you'll never back down from a fight. You might want to think about medication or therapy however...

I took the Star Wars Personality Test

The Results were...

November 1st

There are some good signs that the cut off date for this months referrals will be November 1st, 2005.

Personally I am very excited by this because after last months 2 day batch I really did not expect that the CCAA would get out of October.

This doesn't seem like huge progress, but it is reported that these days have HUGE numbers of parents with LID.

So this seems like a huge accomplishment to me and now we just have to get through November before things pick up a little bit because of smaller months.

And since I guessed that the end of October would take 2 more months we just shaved a month off of our wait...

Florida in Spring of 2008

Well with the wait time for our adoption increasing by the minute Tammy and I have decided to start planning a Trip to Florida in May of 2008. With everything that is happening at work and at home we figure that we will seriously need the time away by next year this time.

Originally we had wanted to wait until after the adoption was completed to travel to Florida again because it would allow Kelly to experience Disney for the first time and it would allow Holly and Brina to meet her.

Now we figure we will be lucky to go to China to adopt her by the end of 2008 and we will need a distraction from everything next spring. In fact I could use one right now, but with everything going on at work it just isn't an option at this point.

Proof that we are not the only people looking for their child

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in Sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he Dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper."Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through The earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again,whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."ME."

Chinese Sonogram - A little humor as the sun comes out

I found this image on the internet which gives adoptive parents a sonogram. Even though you are not really pregnant you still have the IA rollercoaster to ride and in some respects I think things would be easier to deal with if my wife was pregnant. Alos on a positive note, the sun is shining and the temperature is rising. Basically a great day!!

Spring storm takes out the lights

Well I missed a post, but have a perfectly reasonable explanation.

It is really hard to post when you don't have any electricity.

So no lights, heat, water, or anything else.

The power went off Sunday night and is still off and the house was down to about 55 degrees this morning. So I fired up the propane heater and heated water for a sponge bath before going to work. The best part is that it looks like it will be a couple of days before the power comes back on.

WOW - We went home for lunch and the power was back on. We both took showers and feel mostly human again.

There are many people in Rutland County who could be without power for days so I feel very fortunate.

Friday the 13th and it is still snowing

Well it is Friday the 13th and the snow and gloom are still hanging over our heads.

Nothing new on the adoption front, other than a rumor that if you pull your application for any reason from China you will forever be banned from applying again. Personally I hope a huge number of people do pull their applications so I can get closer to the front of the line.

I know, very selfish of me but that's life.

Personally I can't see many people sticking it out when they thought that they would have a 1 year max wait and the wait time is rapidly approaching 2 years. IMHO People are going to jump ship to other programs with the illusion that their adoption will happen quicker. Then that program will slow down because of the number of applicants. Then they move to another program, and the cycle continues... If people do this the rest of us will benefit, and not complain about the decrease in wait time.

Hopefully after the weekend it will warm up and the sun will once again show it's face in the sky.

Then I can get back to work on the addition and spring cleanup.

Boy today sucks!!

I am sitting at work listening to Fleetwood Mac and trying to deal with work pressures and deadlines.

Tons of things that need to be finished and no one will answer the questions required to complete anything. Add to that the doom and gloom flying aroung the IA world and I am having a very hard time concentrating on anything.

I am trying to write SQL and all I can think about is our adoption and the wait for referral.

Things flying through my head include....

Will the wait continue to extend?

How many more years will we have to wait?

Will China close the country to IA?

Will we be disqualified because of Tammy's BMI?

Will we be denied during review because of some other factor?

When will our application even hit the review room?

I promised myself that I would stay out of the rumor mill, but when China changed its requirements after May 1, 2007 I started getting nervous. Now I can't stop myself because I am waiting for them to say that they are now going to apply the new rules to the backlog.

Maybe not rational on my thought, but not getting a referral scares the shit out of me. We have tried for so long to have a child that there are times when you begin to believe you are never going to have a child.

Add to that the fact that over the last couple of weeks with being around family for the holidays you see all of your nieces and nephews and think about what it would be like without raising a child. Also, everyone in our families can't understand why the wait is so long and the most common questions are about how much longer do we have to wait.

I also have to confess that my grandparents are getting up in years, and both of them are showing their years. Not only does it concern you that they may never meet this child that they know we are tryign to adopt, but it weighs on my mind that they might not see another Christmas. There has been such a drastic downturn over the last 6 months, especially for my grandfather.

Probably some of it is cabin fever, and Mother Nature isn't helping things because it is 15 degrees colder than it should be and it is a mixture of sleet, snow, rain, and freezing rain outside.

It is that time of year when you should be able to get outside and clean up from winter, but winter just won't go away. Now the snow will have to melt a second time and we can go through mud season again, oh Joy..

I can handle alot of stress, pressure, and anxiety but today I could almost scream/cry over it all. I am ready to be done with winter and move on to spring so the flowers can start to bloom and things won't be cold, damp, and white.

There is always something about spring which recharges me.

Hopefully we will see spring flowers soon.

A post every day..

I have made a promise to myself that I would try to add a post every day during the rest of the wait for our referral. That had been easy until today when I am reading posts about the expected wait time going to 3 years and am more than a little bummed today. In my heart I do not believe that it will get this extreme, but it is also very easy to fall into the pack and believe all of the speculation.

My belief is that once we get through the end of '05 things will be better as the months in '06 seem to have fewer people waiting in them. I am also holding out hope that more babies will be made available because I believe that China wants it's program to "fly under the radar".

Too many people complaining about the wait time brings them into the spotlight just as quickly as sending too many babies out of the country. So I have hope that we will see the wait extend a little more, and then settle back into a more even pattern.

Does this mean the wait will drop back to 9 months?

No, but hopefully it will stabilize at 20 - 24 months.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have something to write other than another complaint about having to wait for so long.

Fun Facts about China

Ice cream was invented in China around 2000BC when the Chinese packed a soft milk and rice mixture in the snow.

China is the fourth largest country in the world.

China is sometimes a day ahead of the United States.

The Chinese year is based on the cycles of the moon. This is called a lunar schedule. A complete cycle of the Chinese calendar takes 60 years. The Chinese calendar dates back to 2600 B.C. It is the oldest known calendar.

Each year is represented by an animal. There are twelve animals which represent the twelve months.

When a Chinese child loses a baby tooth, it doesn't get tucked under the pillow for the tooth fairy. If the child loses an upper tooth, the child's parents plant the tooth in the ground, so the new tooth will grow in straight and healthy. Parents toss a lost bottom tooth up to the rooftops, so that the new tooth will grow upwards , too.

It is considered good luck for the gate to a house to face south.

We know that the Chinese grew rice as long as 5000 BC Archaeologists have found rice grains in farming tools and pots from that period.

Long ago, silk making was a closely guarded secret. Anyone who gave the secret away could be killed.

The Great Wall is so large that astronauts have seen it from the moon!

At one time, Chinese patriots hoped to rid themselves of hated foreign conquerors. To announce the time of an uprising, the patriots hid messages in moon cakes.

Red is considered a lucky color in China. At one time wedding dresses were red. New Year's banners, clothing, and lucky money envelopes are still red.

Fourth graders are expected to know 2,000 of the over 40,000 written Chinese characters. By the time they leave college, they will know 4,000 or 5,000 characters. Each character is learned by looking at it and memorizing it.

Unlike the 26 letters of our alphabet, words cannot be sounded out letter by letter.

Delays not of our making...

So it is almost 7 months since we had our LID and with the huge delays I am looking back on the entire process of getting to our LID. There are many things which I regret that I did not push to happen faster but at the time everyone was saying 9 months to referral so it did not seem like a big deal. Now that we are looking at a 20 month wait those same things are an irritant because it means even more months added on to our wait.

The delays started with the first visit to our local social worker. We walked through the door and had our first appointment and handed her all of the info that we knew was required and she says "Wow, usually I spend the first session explaining to my clients what they need to do and the documents they have to have for my home study."

The rest of the session was really a waste because we had already had everythign that she needed sitting in front of her so she proceeded to ask us questions covered in the questionare that she had sent us and we had already filled out.

Then we had to wait for our next appointments because she was soooo busy.

Finally we had all of our appointments taken care of, and she told us she would get us our home study by Friday. Well Friday came and went, and then the next Friday came and went.

And so on....

Finally after several weeks and multiple e-mails and phone calls the draft of the home study arrives. Several things are incorrect so I make changes and send it back for her to finalize the document.

And then we waited....

She returns it to me with none of the changes done. So I once again send her the corrections.

And then we waited...

Finally we got the final home study and we finished authenticating\certifying the document.

Then we waited for our LID of September 12, 2006.

The total of this time (not of our making) is probably 3 months.

Factor this by the current delay in processing referrals and this equates to over 6 months added wait time that we would not have had if certain steps in the paperchase were handled more efficiently by our social worker.

Next time (if there is a next time) she will find that I will not be likely to give any slack in getting things done.

Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.

Why China??

This really starts with the question - "Why not a domestic adoption?"

This is easily answered after a discussion of "Open" adoptions, adoptive parents rights, and health issues in domestic adoptions. Basically we just couldn't stomach all of the issues and after talking with other people who have gone through the process domestically we just did not feel good about going that way.

Then along comes our friends Kalvin and Pam who had completed an adoption for their first daughter using CCAI. Their experience started us down the path to China, and then after doing more research found that it had everything we were looking for in an adoption.

The babies are healthy and were wanted by their parents, but because of being a girl and China's strict family planning program they are abandoned because the parents are looking for a son. This contrasts to children who are available for adoption in the US because many of them are suffering from the effects of their parents drug and alcohol abuse. So with a China adoption we could get a little girl who has health problems, but the chance is actually less than if we adopted in the US.

The babies from China are abandoned. Babies in the US are put up for adoption and if parents rights are not terminated correctly they can come back years later and demand their child back. Combine this with "Open" adoptions where birth parents and adoptive parents get together at adoption agency functions and we just couldn't do it.

The child that we adopt is ours, and will be treated as if we had given birth to her. She will have everything we are able to give to her/do for her. We will be her "forever family", and we take that responsibility very seriously.

There are also a deep respect for China and her people which helped move us toward an adoption from China.

All of these things combined with the positive experiences of our friends, and spending time interacting with their daughters made our decision for us. All that waqs left was filling out the piles of paperwork, raising the money, and waiting.

Even though the wait has extended I still feel we have made the right decision.

Another holiday down, many more to go...

Another weekend that included a family holiday, and the usual questions were asked...

"When exactly are you finishing the adoption?"

and a new one..

"Why are you adopting from China?"

So we explained everything once again, but it was probably the hardest time I have done this because I was a little pessimistic after what has been floating around about the lack of days of referrals this month. Everyone means well, but if you are not personally strapped onto the rollercoaster you just can't understand why there are thousands of orphans yet there are not enough to refer more than 2 days worth of LID's (which means at least another 12 months for a referral).

For that matter I am on the rollercoaster and I don't understand it, way too many variables but at least I understand the overview. You just have to try and stay positive and wait to find your child.

Nothing I say or do will make anything go faster, and I thing that is one of the hardest things about the wait. The other is the fact that you really have no information to help you cope with the wait or predict how long it will be.

We also answered the second question by explaining open adoptions and health / mental problems in domestic adoptions. Everyone immediately understood that one, and when it was explained agreed that they could not cope with a domestic adoption.

So now we go back to waiting.

Hopefully the next batch of referrals witll be a little bit more substantial, and thankfully it is a while before the next family gathering. Maybe by then we will have something a little bit more positive to tell them.

Are you looking for a pony?

From one of the adoption sites I frequent....

"Two boys who were twins, one an incurable optimist, one a pessimist. The parents were worried about the extremes of behavior and attitude and finally took the boys in to see a psychologist. The psychologist observed them a while and then said that they could be easily helped. He said that they had a room filled with all the toys a boy could want. They would put the pessimist in that room and allow him to enjoy life. They also had another room that they filled with horse manure. They put the optimist in that room. They observed both boys through one way mirrors. The pessimist continued to be a pessimist, stating that he had no one to play with. They went to look in on the optimist, and were astounded to find him digging through the manure. The psychologist ran into the room and asked what on earth the boy was doing. He replied that with all that manure, he was sure there had to be a pony in the room somewhere."

Are you looking for a pony?

Things are not looking good for this months referrals

All of the speculation about referrals is saying that the current batch that is coming will not even hit the end of October 2005. This is really depressing because if they can't even get to November this time it will take FOREVER to actually get through November when they reach it.

So if this is true how many months will it add onto the current 17 month wait time?

Who knows, but it doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I keep telling myself that after November and December of 2005 are referred things should go a little faster. That is easy to say, but is not always easy for your brain to communicate to your gut.

So we will wait and see what the actual cut off date is for the referrals, and pray...

A little over a year

It is hard to believe that it has been a little over a year since we were oficially accepted as a client by CCAI (Chinese Children Adoption International). As we were working on completing our adoption paperwork we were told many times that the wait would be 9-12 months.

At the time I was convinced that the 9 month number was not correct, but never would have dreamed that the wait would have grown to 16 - 24 months (some people speculate longer waits than that). That delay added to the delays by our Social Worker in preparing our home study means that it will probably be at least another year before we see a referal. Since we have been waiting so long already trying to get pregnant the delay doesn't bother me as much as the lack of information.

Basically we have heard almost nothing since our LID in September, and speculation is running rampant about just how far out the delay will extend. My hope at this point is that the wait will finally stabilize after November '05 referrals are finally gotten out. Over the last week I have been watching for exactly what the cutoff is for referrals in the current batch because this will be an indicator of how long it will take to get throught the end of October and Novemeber which have a huge number of applications logged.

At times I have wondered what it will feel like when we hit this time next year and we still have not gotten a referral. I guess that I can only keep moving forward finishing the nursury and saving money for the adoption trip. I will also feel better about the whole ordeal when we know we are out of the review room which is the next big step forward.

Start of an Adoption Diary

I decided today to set up this blog to record our journey in International Adoption. Hopefully at some time in the future our little girl will be able to look at what I have written and know more of our journey to find her. The pain, uncertainty, and joy that we felt while trying to find her and add her to our family.