Over the weekend I had dinner with my parents and grandparents and while having dinner we were informed that "Missy is pregnant".
While I am happy for her it also presses down on my heart as I sit in line and wait for the child that we have been trying to have for several years.
While we were driving home Tammy asked me "Isn't Missy's news exciting?"
I sat there as I drove and grunted a little bit in acknowledgement, but what I really wanted to say was "I really don't give a crap!".
I know this sounds selfish, but right now I am more concerned about the time it is going to take to get our little girl.
It is getting to the point where I wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.
Did we do the right thing?
Should we have applied somewhere else?
Will we make it through review?
So far the wait has not been bad, but depending upon which gloom and doom prediction you look at we may only be 1/4 of the way through our wait.
I think the biggest emotional drain is that no one knows, but everyone has an opinion.
And those opinions are now showing up all over the place as fact..
It also didn't help that my Grandfather was asking how much longer it will be, and as I look at him I see and feel (when I help him into the house - he is a leagally blind WWII Vet) how old and frail he has become. In under a year he has become a shadow of the man he once was, and I wish more than anything that he will get to hold his granddaughter before he dies.
Unfortunately I don't know if this will be possible and it saddens me because she will miss out on meeting an amazing man who would have showed her an incredible amount of love.
I will never count him out because he has cheated death so many times. A bullet striking his service bible that was in the pocket over his heart, tanks being blown up under him, being left for dead in a field hospital, prostrate cancer, heart bypass surgury, and those are only the things I know about..
It is just emotionally painfull to see him slowing down and wasting away. He is so light now that a good stiff wind would blow him away.
Also in the last year he has started looking back on his life and expressing regrets, wishes, ...etc.
This is not the man that I grew up knowing..
And with all of these things on my mind there just isn't room for a discussion of Missy's baby.
