I am sitting at work listening to Fleetwood Mac and trying to deal with work pressures and deadlines.
Tons of things that need to be finished and no one will answer the questions required to complete anything. Add to that the doom and gloom flying aroung the IA world and I am having a very hard time concentrating on anything.
I am trying to write SQL and all I can think about is our adoption and the wait for referral.
Things flying through my head include....
Will the wait continue to extend?
How many more years will we have to wait?
Will China close the country to IA?
Will we be disqualified because of Tammy's BMI?
Will we be denied during review because of some other factor?
When will our application even hit the review room?
I promised myself that I would stay out of the rumor mill, but when China changed its requirements after May 1, 2007 I started getting nervous. Now I can't stop myself because I am waiting for them to say that they are now going to apply the new rules to the backlog.
Maybe not rational on my thought, but not getting a referral scares the shit out of me. We have tried for so long to have a child that there are times when you begin to believe you are never going to have a child.
Add to that the fact that over the last couple of weeks with being around family for the holidays you see all of your nieces and nephews and think about what it would be like without raising a child. Also, everyone in our families can't understand why the wait is so long and the most common questions are about how much longer do we have to wait.
I also have to confess that my grandparents are getting up in years, and both of them are showing their years. Not only does it concern you that they may never meet this child that they know we are tryign to adopt, but it weighs on my mind that they might not see another Christmas. There has been such a drastic downturn over the last 6 months, especially for my grandfather.
Probably some of it is cabin fever, and Mother Nature isn't helping things because it is 15 degrees colder than it should be and it is a mixture of sleet, snow, rain, and freezing rain outside.
It is that time of year when you should be able to get outside and clean up from winter, but winter just won't go away. Now the snow will have to melt a second time and we can go through mud season again, oh Joy..
I can handle alot of stress, pressure, and anxiety but today I could almost scream/cry over it all. I am ready to be done with winter and move on to spring so the flowers can start to bloom and things won't be cold, damp, and white.
There is always something about spring which recharges me.
Hopefully we will see spring flowers soon.
