This has absolutely nothing to do with our adoption, but I was watching the news this morning and saw that Universal Studios will be adding a Theme Park within a theme park at Islands of Adventure. It will be based on the World of Harry Potter and is expected to open in late 2009.
So I guess this means that we will have to start saving for another trip to Florida as soon as we get back next spring and make plans to go again in spring of 2010.
Hopefully this will be our first family vacation with Kelly.
I know that Kelly will enjoy the Magic Kingdom more, but my wife will go nuts at this new park.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
International Adoption as Last Choice
In a number of places in the International Adoption community people are talking about children feeling that they were the parents "Last Choice".
In our case I have to say that International Adoption was not our last choice, it was just another choice.
We started out our marriage trying to have a child the old fashioned way, and we tried that for quite a few years before we started talking about other options.
After talking about it for a while and talking to friends who had adopted we decided to work on an adoption from China.
There were a number of other options available, but this was the one that we thought best fit our circumstances.
Even with the long and difficult wait I still believe it is the right choice for us, but that does not make it easier as we sit and wait with no information.
In our case I have to say that International Adoption was not our last choice, it was just another choice.
We started out our marriage trying to have a child the old fashioned way, and we tried that for quite a few years before we started talking about other options.
After talking about it for a while and talking to friends who had adopted we decided to work on an adoption from China.
There were a number of other options available, but this was the one that we thought best fit our circumstances.
Even with the long and difficult wait I still believe it is the right choice for us, but that does not make it easier as we sit and wait with no information.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Assorted Adoption Topics
First, We have hit a major savings milestone for the adoption. We finally have about 25% of the money saved to cover the remainder of the adoption expenses. This may not seem like alot, but when you are estimating 12,000+ to finish the adoption 25% is a pretty big milestone. So this is really good news.
So a big question running aroung the IA community right now is "What will you do if someone teases your daughter?" Well I have never seen a child that has gotten through school without being teased about something and I do not believe that I will handle my daughters situation any differently than I would a child that was not adopted.
A child will be too tall, overweight, skinny, short, ...etc. I spent my entire grade school existance being picked on because my parents did not have money.
So what will I do?
I will listen to her and try to explain why the other kids do this, but most importantly I will try to help her understand how special she is. I will also try to groom the self confidence that my mother helped me develop in my daughter so this will become an annoyance, not an earth shattering condition. So my reaction to others in the IA world is that this is a problem not related to IA, but one related to being a Kid and one that almost every child goes through at one point or another.
So a big question running aroung the IA community right now is "What will you do if someone teases your daughter?" Well I have never seen a child that has gotten through school without being teased about something and I do not believe that I will handle my daughters situation any differently than I would a child that was not adopted.
A child will be too tall, overweight, skinny, short, ...etc. I spent my entire grade school existance being picked on because my parents did not have money.
So what will I do?
I will listen to her and try to explain why the other kids do this, but most importantly I will try to help her understand how special she is. I will also try to groom the self confidence that my mother helped me develop in my daughter so this will become an annoyance, not an earth shattering condition. So my reaction to others in the IA world is that this is a problem not related to IA, but one related to being a Kid and one that almost every child goes through at one point or another.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Sorry about the Delay
Well over the last week or so I have broken my resolution to try and post something on here every day. Between things at work being Hell, being depressed about the lack of information on the wait, and a general lack of time at home I just have not had the heart to post anything.
So what has happened over the last week or so...
Well I finally got my riding mower started after some minor repair work to mow down close to a foot of grass. Ran for about an hour and the motor had a piston or a rod go so I have to come up with $$$ to replace it. Not the best time, especially while trying to save money for completing the adoption and finishing the addition on the house. I also just paid for our pellets for our pellet stove for next season so there really isn't alot of money to go around right now.
At the same time I am having problems with a porcupine chewing on the addition and the back of the shed. I have not caught him in the act, and I have not had the time or $$ yet to go pick up a trap. Unfortunately that is probably the only way that I am going to catch him.
And the Bath Tub Faucets have decided that they do not want to shut off and that will require me to cut the tub enclosure to replace them which will probably be an all day job, and it will cost $$$. And I hate plumbing!!
A positive note is that the pool is open and running and just waiting for the sun to warm it up enough to go swimming. The new covers that I bought worked great and it is very clear and clean and will need a minimum of cleaning before swimming.
So all of this should tell you that life has been stress, lack of time, lack of sleep, body aches, and no money....
On the adoption front, rumors are flying about how long the wait will be and how far they will get this month. Unfortunately I am so fed up with the process right now that I almost wonder if we will ever finish it. I want to be a father so badly and we have no idea if we will even pass review, and if we do when will we actually see our little girl for the first time? It is weeks like this one that really makes you begin to wonder if the dream of having a child is ever going to happen..
Well I guess that is enough for today..
Next time I will probably talk about another couple topics flying around the IA community, What to do if people pick on your child and how to respond to I was your last choice for having a child.
So what has happened over the last week or so...
Well I finally got my riding mower started after some minor repair work to mow down close to a foot of grass. Ran for about an hour and the motor had a piston or a rod go so I have to come up with $$$ to replace it. Not the best time, especially while trying to save money for completing the adoption and finishing the addition on the house. I also just paid for our pellets for our pellet stove for next season so there really isn't alot of money to go around right now.
At the same time I am having problems with a porcupine chewing on the addition and the back of the shed. I have not caught him in the act, and I have not had the time or $$ yet to go pick up a trap. Unfortunately that is probably the only way that I am going to catch him.
And the Bath Tub Faucets have decided that they do not want to shut off and that will require me to cut the tub enclosure to replace them which will probably be an all day job, and it will cost $$$. And I hate plumbing!!
A positive note is that the pool is open and running and just waiting for the sun to warm it up enough to go swimming. The new covers that I bought worked great and it is very clear and clean and will need a minimum of cleaning before swimming.
So all of this should tell you that life has been stress, lack of time, lack of sleep, body aches, and no money....
On the adoption front, rumors are flying about how long the wait will be and how far they will get this month. Unfortunately I am so fed up with the process right now that I almost wonder if we will ever finish it. I want to be a father so badly and we have no idea if we will even pass review, and if we do when will we actually see our little girl for the first time? It is weeks like this one that really makes you begin to wonder if the dream of having a child is ever going to happen..
Well I guess that is enough for today..
Next time I will probably talk about another couple topics flying around the IA community, What to do if people pick on your child and how to respond to I was your last choice for having a child.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Morning Shower - time of anguish over adoption wait time
Every morning when I take my shower seems to be the time of day when I get the most sadness and anguish over the wait time and the lack of information we are getting from anyone.
Rule changes and no information are taking their toll.
I think it hits me in the shower because it is the only time of the day where I am not thinking about a million things and dealing with them. That and I am still mostly asleep and trying to wake up, and it is also one of the rare occasions when I am alone.
Warm water rushing over me as I wonder when we will finally get our little girl home, and then my mind puts that into perspective and I also start to wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.
It is amazing how sad this makes me and also makes you realize how little control you have over the entire process. At least during the "Paper Chase" you knew what you had to do and where you had to go to do it. Now you just wait until someone half a world away decides that you are worthy of taking care of one of China's orphaned children.
The only thing that keeps you going is the possibility that things will get better, and the ultimate improvement will be a little gitl to take care of and love.
Rule changes and no information are taking their toll.
I think it hits me in the shower because it is the only time of the day where I am not thinking about a million things and dealing with them. That and I am still mostly asleep and trying to wake up, and it is also one of the rare occasions when I am alone.
Warm water rushing over me as I wonder when we will finally get our little girl home, and then my mind puts that into perspective and I also start to wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.
It is amazing how sad this makes me and also makes you realize how little control you have over the entire process. At least during the "Paper Chase" you knew what you had to do and where you had to go to do it. Now you just wait until someone half a world away decides that you are worthy of taking care of one of China's orphaned children.
The only thing that keeps you going is the possibility that things will get better, and the ultimate improvement will be a little gitl to take care of and love.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Mothers Day
This weekend was Mothers Day and as part of our yearly ritual we went to Londonderry and visited my parents and Grandparents.
While we were there my Aunt Mary gave Tammy a gift bag.
Inside were 2 Antique Bear Prints, a Soft and Cuddly Chinese Doll, and some baby socks.
There was also a very nice mothers day card for a mommy to be, explaining that she knows the bear prints don't match the nursery but she really wanted us to have them.
Shortly before she gave the bag to Tammy the two of us sat on the couch and discussed the wait time because I had given her an article explaining what was going on in Chinese International Adoption (written by the director of CCAI). After reading it many things became clear to her and you could tell that she really understands what we are going through now. She is the first family member that really gets it, and it was nice to discuss the adoption with a family member and not have to go over everything and try and make them understand.
We discussing time differences, bonding, lack of sleep, and a number of other topics which are all way past the understanding of anyone else in the family.
So why were these prints so important to her?
Apparently she bought them when she was first married and hoped to use them to decorate her own child's room, and due to her ex-husbands insistence that they would not have children never got to use them. Then after he left her she was in so much financial and emotional distress that she could not have handled an adoption even if she had of thought of it.
Now she is old enough that she has just given up on her dreams of being a mother.
Why did she give the prints to us for Kelly?
I think there are alot of reasons, and there are probably some that I have not even thought of yet.
First, I am the only grandchild that almost never misses a family function and this means that we are the ones that my family sees almost every holiday. She knows that family is important to me, and also that once we finally finish this adoption she will probably see Kelly more often than any of the other children. Also when I was growing up I was the first grandchild and there are only 10 years between the two of us so there were many times in her early teens where I was a playmate of a sort.
I also think that she is living out her dreams of having a child through us and probably wishes that she had of been able to do something similar to our IA earlier in her life. She also sees some of her own struggles with wanting to become a parent and not being able to due to circumstances beyond her control.
I think she had similar feelings when my brother asked her to be Lilly's godmother, but as quickly as the joy came so did the heartbreak when they shuffled the stepmother thing under the carpet. I never thought this was right, but then again I seldom agree with anything my brother and his wife do.
At this point Wyatt is the only little one she sees on a regular basis since my brother is very unreliable when it comes to family functions.
So we will have to buy two nice frame to hang these precious gifts in the nursery and someday we will pack them away so when our little girl gets older and she has her own child she can pass them on to him/her.
This gift is so precious because it is a gift from the heart from a very special person who never wanted anything more than to have a little one to hold and love.
Sounds very similar to our own situation.
We just happened to be in a place emotionally and financially that we could do something about it.
And why did she give them to us now?
I don't know, but I do have a feeling that she probably has been thinking about little ones quite a bit lately between our adoption in progress and Missy being pregnant.
I didn't know about the gift until after we had left, but I will make sure that she is thanked properly the next time I see her.
While we were there my Aunt Mary gave Tammy a gift bag.
Inside were 2 Antique Bear Prints, a Soft and Cuddly Chinese Doll, and some baby socks.
There was also a very nice mothers day card for a mommy to be, explaining that she knows the bear prints don't match the nursery but she really wanted us to have them.
Shortly before she gave the bag to Tammy the two of us sat on the couch and discussed the wait time because I had given her an article explaining what was going on in Chinese International Adoption (written by the director of CCAI). After reading it many things became clear to her and you could tell that she really understands what we are going through now. She is the first family member that really gets it, and it was nice to discuss the adoption with a family member and not have to go over everything and try and make them understand.
We discussing time differences, bonding, lack of sleep, and a number of other topics which are all way past the understanding of anyone else in the family.
So why were these prints so important to her?
Apparently she bought them when she was first married and hoped to use them to decorate her own child's room, and due to her ex-husbands insistence that they would not have children never got to use them. Then after he left her she was in so much financial and emotional distress that she could not have handled an adoption even if she had of thought of it.
Now she is old enough that she has just given up on her dreams of being a mother.
Why did she give the prints to us for Kelly?
I think there are alot of reasons, and there are probably some that I have not even thought of yet.
First, I am the only grandchild that almost never misses a family function and this means that we are the ones that my family sees almost every holiday. She knows that family is important to me, and also that once we finally finish this adoption she will probably see Kelly more often than any of the other children. Also when I was growing up I was the first grandchild and there are only 10 years between the two of us so there were many times in her early teens where I was a playmate of a sort.
I also think that she is living out her dreams of having a child through us and probably wishes that she had of been able to do something similar to our IA earlier in her life. She also sees some of her own struggles with wanting to become a parent and not being able to due to circumstances beyond her control.
I think she had similar feelings when my brother asked her to be Lilly's godmother, but as quickly as the joy came so did the heartbreak when they shuffled the stepmother thing under the carpet. I never thought this was right, but then again I seldom agree with anything my brother and his wife do.
At this point Wyatt is the only little one she sees on a regular basis since my brother is very unreliable when it comes to family functions.
So we will have to buy two nice frame to hang these precious gifts in the nursery and someday we will pack them away so when our little girl gets older and she has her own child she can pass them on to him/her.
This gift is so precious because it is a gift from the heart from a very special person who never wanted anything more than to have a little one to hold and love.
Sounds very similar to our own situation.
We just happened to be in a place emotionally and financially that we could do something about it.
And why did she give them to us now?
I don't know, but I do have a feeling that she probably has been thinking about little ones quite a bit lately between our adoption in progress and Missy being pregnant.
I didn't know about the gift until after we had left, but I will make sure that she is thanked properly the next time I see her.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
New Rules for Chinese Adoption - BMI
One of the new requirments for being eligible to adopt from China after May 1, 2007 is "Applicants must be in good physical and mental condition necessary to provide responsible care for an adopted child. Each applicant’s Body Mass Index (BMI) must be under 40."
When this was first released in January I was a basket case.
My BMI is ~31, but Tammy was ~43.
The good news was we met every other qualification, but this one thing threw doubt into the equasion.
When the rule was first announced there was no information if they would be retroactively applied to applicants who were already DTC/LID, or would they only apply to new applicants. Over time it became universally accepted that those who were LID would be reviewed under the old rules, and only new applicants would be required to meet these requirements. Of course this could change in a heartbeat, but for now there is no sense worrying about it.
I did not say anything to Tammy about this other than to mention that it is a requirement and if China started reviewing applications using the rules we could be rejected based on this.
No pressure to try and force her to lose weight.
Then about 2 weeks ago she asked for me to sign her up for Weight Watchers Online. A good friend of hers is on Weight Watchers and she wanted to try it to lose a little weight. So I signed her up and we started with her watching her points. In the last week she has lost 5 pounds and in total she has lost about 1/6 of what she would have to lose to get her BMI below 40.
No pressure on my part, and I am eating the same things as her to help keep her on the plan and try to keep her motivated to continue. Overall it has also been positive to increase the amount of vegetables and decrease the amount of Pasta and starches in our diet. We have also reduced the amount of boxed/prepared foods which we had started to eat because of time issues when we get home from work.
If I had of tried to force her to do this it would have backfired big time, but it has been her idea and she wants to do it.
Would it make me very happy to see her get below 40 BMI?
You would not believe the amount of pressure this would relieve because if we were questioned in review about it she could get a new medical form done and the issue would go away..
But it has to be her decision and drive that will make it happen and I am very happy with the effort she is taking to try and make this happen.
When this was first released in January I was a basket case.
My BMI is ~31, but Tammy was ~43.
The good news was we met every other qualification, but this one thing threw doubt into the equasion.
When the rule was first announced there was no information if they would be retroactively applied to applicants who were already DTC/LID, or would they only apply to new applicants. Over time it became universally accepted that those who were LID would be reviewed under the old rules, and only new applicants would be required to meet these requirements. Of course this could change in a heartbeat, but for now there is no sense worrying about it.
I did not say anything to Tammy about this other than to mention that it is a requirement and if China started reviewing applications using the rules we could be rejected based on this.
No pressure to try and force her to lose weight.
Then about 2 weeks ago she asked for me to sign her up for Weight Watchers Online. A good friend of hers is on Weight Watchers and she wanted to try it to lose a little weight. So I signed her up and we started with her watching her points. In the last week she has lost 5 pounds and in total she has lost about 1/6 of what she would have to lose to get her BMI below 40.
No pressure on my part, and I am eating the same things as her to help keep her on the plan and try to keep her motivated to continue. Overall it has also been positive to increase the amount of vegetables and decrease the amount of Pasta and starches in our diet. We have also reduced the amount of boxed/prepared foods which we had started to eat because of time issues when we get home from work.
If I had of tried to force her to do this it would have backfired big time, but it has been her idea and she wants to do it.
Would it make me very happy to see her get below 40 BMI?
You would not believe the amount of pressure this would relieve because if we were questioned in review about it she could get a new medical form done and the issue would go away..
But it has to be her decision and drive that will make it happen and I am very happy with the effort she is taking to try and make this happen.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Infamous Brown Envelope
Yesterday we recieved the infamous Brown Envelope from the US Foreign Service.
You know, the one that you need to take with you on your adoption trip to China.
My wife opened it and was all excited, and then reality hit when she realized that we probably won't need the contents for a little over a year at least. Just another reminder that it will still be quite some time before we see our little girl.
In fact we still have not even made it out of the review room...
I guess it is another milestone in the process, but with all of the other milestones so far away it just seems like a slap in the face. So we are all set on the US side of things, but in China we still sit in a file that has not been touched other than to make room for more files on the shelf.
In fact at the rate things are going we will be lucky if we even get out of review before our US paperwork expires!!
In the long run I am sure that all of this will be worth it when we bring a little girl home as part of our family, but right now it is very frustrating and depressing.
But at least we have an envelope of paperwork to put away for our trip, when it eventually happens.....
You know, the one that you need to take with you on your adoption trip to China.
My wife opened it and was all excited, and then reality hit when she realized that we probably won't need the contents for a little over a year at least. Just another reminder that it will still be quite some time before we see our little girl.
In fact we still have not even made it out of the review room...
I guess it is another milestone in the process, but with all of the other milestones so far away it just seems like a slap in the face. So we are all set on the US side of things, but in China we still sit in a file that has not been touched other than to make room for more files on the shelf.
In fact at the rate things are going we will be lucky if we even get out of review before our US paperwork expires!!
In the long run I am sure that all of this will be worth it when we bring a little girl home as part of our family, but right now it is very frustrating and depressing.
But at least we have an envelope of paperwork to put away for our trip, when it eventually happens.....
Monday, May 07, 2007
Concurrent Adoptions
Many people are talking about trying to complete concurrent adoptions because of the wait time.
Since this is the hot topic in IA I thought I would express the reasons why we are not following this trend.
First - International adoption is very expensive. Trying to complete one adoption is hard enough without trying to fund a second at the same time, especially while trying to finish renovating the house. There is just no way possible to do two at one time.
Next - I am on enough of an emotional rollercoaster with one adoption going I just can't imagine trying to do two at once.
Also - There are rumors that the CCAA does not like couples trying to do a second adoption while waiting for a referral from China. There is no concrete answer on this, and I just don't want to jeopardize our referral in any way. If we were dumped out of line we could not reapply because Tammy does not meet the BMI requirements and we would not be eligible until she did.
Finally - I am not sure that as a new parent I could handle 2 young adopted children with the issues that they could have all at once. I am not sure that many of the people are thinking about this and just know that they don't want to wait. I cannot imagine both being delayed and getting referred at the same time with travel requirements, attachment, health issues, ...etc. Many people say that it would be like having twins, and I am not sure I agree.
I am also not convinced that other countries will slow down if there is a sudden influx of people from the China program, and suddenly many of them may be stuck in 2 lines at once with no referral.
Then what will they do?
So I will continue to wait in line and pray that we get our referral in the 2 year time frame.
At this point we are rapidly approachine a year, is another 12 months really that long?
Since this is the hot topic in IA I thought I would express the reasons why we are not following this trend.
First - International adoption is very expensive. Trying to complete one adoption is hard enough without trying to fund a second at the same time, especially while trying to finish renovating the house. There is just no way possible to do two at one time.
Next - I am on enough of an emotional rollercoaster with one adoption going I just can't imagine trying to do two at once.
Also - There are rumors that the CCAA does not like couples trying to do a second adoption while waiting for a referral from China. There is no concrete answer on this, and I just don't want to jeopardize our referral in any way. If we were dumped out of line we could not reapply because Tammy does not meet the BMI requirements and we would not be eligible until she did.
Finally - I am not sure that as a new parent I could handle 2 young adopted children with the issues that they could have all at once. I am not sure that many of the people are thinking about this and just know that they don't want to wait. I cannot imagine both being delayed and getting referred at the same time with travel requirements, attachment, health issues, ...etc. Many people say that it would be like having twins, and I am not sure I agree.
I am also not convinced that other countries will slow down if there is a sudden influx of people from the China program, and suddenly many of them may be stuck in 2 lines at once with no referral.
Then what will they do?
So I will continue to wait in line and pray that we get our referral in the 2 year time frame.
At this point we are rapidly approachine a year, is another 12 months really that long?
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Way too tired..
Well I have spent the last couple of nights up until almost 1AM working on things for Orvis.
This combined with the stress here at work and at home just has me wiped out.
Last night Tammy and I had a little fight over something that I would have normally let slide, but I was so close to the edge that she got both barrels. We then spent an hour with her crying, but for once I did not let her get away with what she did. I was just fed up and she punched my buttons and I still had hours of work ahead of me. After she had cried we talked and I think she understood why I reacted the way I did.
Things have been horrible at work, I have an addition that needs to be finished and funded, the adoption is so much up in the air right now and we still need to save enough money to pay for the rest of it, I have spent many hours running Tammy to meetings and such, Danby is having septic issues and it is somehow my problem, my laptop needs to be reinstalled and there doesn't seem like enought time to deal with it, and we are tight on money right now due to the huge number of extra bills this month.
And did I forget ro mention that Tammy wants to talk about what we are going to do for Missy's baby shower, and I just want to scream "I could really care less".
All this adds up to a stressed out husband that is tired and has a hair trigger.
So she went to her Grange meeting, and I sat at home working on OLAP cube maintainance for work.
She got home from her meeting and went to bed while I continued working.
It is said that there is no rest for the wicked, if this is true what did I do that was so horrible.
This combined with the stress here at work and at home just has me wiped out.
Last night Tammy and I had a little fight over something that I would have normally let slide, but I was so close to the edge that she got both barrels. We then spent an hour with her crying, but for once I did not let her get away with what she did. I was just fed up and she punched my buttons and I still had hours of work ahead of me. After she had cried we talked and I think she understood why I reacted the way I did.
Things have been horrible at work, I have an addition that needs to be finished and funded, the adoption is so much up in the air right now and we still need to save enough money to pay for the rest of it, I have spent many hours running Tammy to meetings and such, Danby is having septic issues and it is somehow my problem, my laptop needs to be reinstalled and there doesn't seem like enought time to deal with it, and we are tight on money right now due to the huge number of extra bills this month.
And did I forget ro mention that Tammy wants to talk about what we are going to do for Missy's baby shower, and I just want to scream "I could really care less".
All this adds up to a stressed out husband that is tired and has a hair trigger.
So she went to her Grange meeting, and I sat at home working on OLAP cube maintainance for work.
She got home from her meeting and went to bed while I continued working.
It is said that there is no rest for the wicked, if this is true what did I do that was so horrible.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
My cousin is pregnant - So what!
Over the weekend I had dinner with my parents and grandparents and while having dinner we were informed that "Missy is pregnant".
While I am happy for her it also presses down on my heart as I sit in line and wait for the child that we have been trying to have for several years.
While we were driving home Tammy asked me "Isn't Missy's news exciting?"
I sat there as I drove and grunted a little bit in acknowledgement, but what I really wanted to say was "I really don't give a crap!".
I know this sounds selfish, but right now I am more concerned about the time it is going to take to get our little girl.
It is getting to the point where I wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.
Did we do the right thing?
Should we have applied somewhere else?
Will we make it through review?
So far the wait has not been bad, but depending upon which gloom and doom prediction you look at we may only be 1/4 of the way through our wait.
I think the biggest emotional drain is that no one knows, but everyone has an opinion.
And those opinions are now showing up all over the place as fact..
It also didn't help that my Grandfather was asking how much longer it will be, and as I look at him I see and feel (when I help him into the house - he is a leagally blind WWII Vet) how old and frail he has become. In under a year he has become a shadow of the man he once was, and I wish more than anything that he will get to hold his granddaughter before he dies.
Unfortunately I don't know if this will be possible and it saddens me because she will miss out on meeting an amazing man who would have showed her an incredible amount of love.
I will never count him out because he has cheated death so many times. A bullet striking his service bible that was in the pocket over his heart, tanks being blown up under him, being left for dead in a field hospital, prostrate cancer, heart bypass surgury, and those are only the things I know about..
It is just emotionally painfull to see him slowing down and wasting away. He is so light now that a good stiff wind would blow him away.
Also in the last year he has started looking back on his life and expressing regrets, wishes, ...etc.
This is not the man that I grew up knowing..
And with all of these things on my mind there just isn't room for a discussion of Missy's baby.
While I am happy for her it also presses down on my heart as I sit in line and wait for the child that we have been trying to have for several years.
While we were driving home Tammy asked me "Isn't Missy's news exciting?"
I sat there as I drove and grunted a little bit in acknowledgement, but what I really wanted to say was "I really don't give a crap!".
I know this sounds selfish, but right now I am more concerned about the time it is going to take to get our little girl.
It is getting to the point where I wonder if we will ever complete this adoption.
Did we do the right thing?
Should we have applied somewhere else?
Will we make it through review?
So far the wait has not been bad, but depending upon which gloom and doom prediction you look at we may only be 1/4 of the way through our wait.
I think the biggest emotional drain is that no one knows, but everyone has an opinion.
And those opinions are now showing up all over the place as fact..
It also didn't help that my Grandfather was asking how much longer it will be, and as I look at him I see and feel (when I help him into the house - he is a leagally blind WWII Vet) how old and frail he has become. In under a year he has become a shadow of the man he once was, and I wish more than anything that he will get to hold his granddaughter before he dies.
Unfortunately I don't know if this will be possible and it saddens me because she will miss out on meeting an amazing man who would have showed her an incredible amount of love.
I will never count him out because he has cheated death so many times. A bullet striking his service bible that was in the pocket over his heart, tanks being blown up under him, being left for dead in a field hospital, prostrate cancer, heart bypass surgury, and those are only the things I know about..
It is just emotionally painfull to see him slowing down and wasting away. He is so light now that a good stiff wind would blow him away.
Also in the last year he has started looking back on his life and expressing regrets, wishes, ...etc.
This is not the man that I grew up knowing..
And with all of these things on my mind there just isn't room for a discussion of Missy's baby.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I took the Looney Tunes Personality Test
Yosemite Sam!
A low-down, ruff, tough, and mean varmint, your aggressive energy, vulgar attitude, and cynical outlook make you one mean SOB when angered. Little scares you, much annoys you, and a pin-drop can set you off. This is not all bad however, your anti-social adventuring spirit leads you to blaze trails other fear to tread. You could really find your place on the frontiers of civilization daring to take the risks others would only dream of and reaping rewards they can only envy. For good or bad, you'll never back down from a fight. You might want to think about medication or therapy however...
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